So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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