Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
