I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize