I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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