He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize