Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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