You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
