Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How does one acquire holy water?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
