On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm passing your future prison.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
