At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
please come you make the beer taste better
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
