My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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