yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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