just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
