I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
