I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
