I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
