ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
