My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
