his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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