question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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