possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
