just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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