I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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