she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
