i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
