what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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