So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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