Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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