I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize