cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
