Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
