the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
