I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
