Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
