oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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