I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
