I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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