Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
