I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My vagina just recognized that song.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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