I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
