walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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