Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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