its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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