I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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