Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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