there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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