Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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