Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
