you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
