Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
