What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
