how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
