Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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