Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
