so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
