yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
