I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize