when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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