And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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