2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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