Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
