i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So here I am, sexting at work.
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