I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
