Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
