Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
