I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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