can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
