I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
