I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
