I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
