"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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