I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
