I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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