I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
