Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
