I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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