Will you blow on my dice?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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