I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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