Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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