lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
