If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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